Dir. Dan Gilroy
In case, y’all don’t know I LOve Nightcrawler. I’ve recommended it to almost everyone I know and even ambushed my Film Noir professor once to explain the MANY reasons why I thought it should replace Drive on the syllabus. So when I heard Dan Gilroy, I was already In. And when I heard he was teaming up with Jake Gyllenhaal again, I barely needed a trailer. I knew this was a personal must see.
I’m a little late to the party since it was released on Friday and it’s Tuesday now, 47 years ago in internet time. But forgive me my trespasses and read this thing.
I was debating with myself doing a full review but I think my real-time thoughts on this movie will be a much more entertaining and informal read, so I hope you enjoy! Will it make sense if you haven’t seen the movie, probably not- but it makes just as much sense of the movie really. And if for some reason you decide to read this whole thing and haven’t seen the movie, I’d say pull up some popcorn and an adult beverage and have at it. Invite a friend while you’re at it. It’s free and this movie is a funny as hell. And if like me, you aren’t a fan of horror it’s not that bad. It’s about Final Destination level of scary, just makes you tense and uncomfortable. It attempted to grapple with some serious commentary on the commodifying of the art world, the way the wealthy consume art, and the validity of critique but a lot of that was lost in all the goofiness. It’s also probably a bad thing if a couple of your characters are so cartoonishly unpleasant, you start rooting for the evil spirit to take them out. I admit this movie was a disappointment after Nightcrawler, but I still count it a fairly enjoyable two hours. Anywhoo- if you choose to read on, thank you for your time. (Heavy Spoilers, obviously)
(And this is the first thing I’ve ever posted online with cursing that my mother can read. Sorry mom!)
- I support everything about his outfit and general snooty vibe. He looks so baffled yet unimpressed
- Their critiques meant literally nothing, just a lot of fast smart-sounding words. The kinds of things i’d have to read 4 times in all my english classes until it was understandable.
- criticism is dumb is the entire opening of this movie which i laugh at while i critique this.
- Also i hate everyone in this movie more based off that article about rich people ruining million dollar art on their super-yachts.
- His name is Morf? turrible.
- Shock, the art critic is gay- or dating a man at least. Ayo Jake.
- ahh he gon sex this lady
- DAVEED DIGGS IS IN THIS. 5 stars! **PLAYS THUG THO.mp3**
- The art gallery lady was in a punk band called Velvet Buzzsaw, roll credits. Gross a cinemasins joke. Do i get my critic license revoked?
- This fashion is not very Miami. I’m not from LA but from what I’ve read, Nightcrawler was pretty firmly entrenched in LA. As a native Floridian, I AM NOT IMPRESSED.
- I KNEW THAT WASN’T MIAMI. YOU CAN’T FOOL ME
- “YOU’RE SKIN IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CROSS BETWEEN ALMOND AND SADDLE BROWN” NOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHITE MEN STOP WRITING LOVE INTERESTS OF COLOR “romantic” DIALOGUE.
- Also from vagina to airplane take off noises. What a transition. And then…a naked pussy. (hairless cat). This transition owes me reparations.
- Weed socks
- Velvet Buzzsaw neck tattoo.
- No death, no art 1983
- How would Morf describe his boyfriend’s skin? Teak? Rosewood? I NEED TO KNOW
- Also, sleeping with a man you know is in a relationship after finding out you were cheated on is TRASH.
- I don’t know what that installer is, but i’m know him.
- Also his boyfriend showed him that upcoming artist so LAME.
- Getting demoted is karmic retribution for being a thot
- although actually it sucks if it’s because your boss’ boss is harvey weinstein
- Guy who died in the building was an artist and wanted it all thrown away with no trace
- so presumably they’re going to market it and sell it which is why they’ll all be fucking cursed
- YOU ARE GOING TO HELL. PERIODT.
- Dear Black lead, how dare you ignore what is clearly demonic energy to try to get noticed at work.
- Josephina
- Starbucks advertising.
- That face reflection in his eyes is uhhh…haunting
- I enjoy her panic reaction being yelling into the large scary dude’s face.
- “I was looking for tape” UNDER MY DESK? YOU FUCKING SERIAL KILLER.
- alright well he’s clearly hearing some Jumanji level drumming
- While much messier than Nightcrawler, I like that we’re sticking with the themes of Money is Bad, the wealthy be bad. They encourage shitty journalism and steal all the art with absolutely no idea what any of it means, just things they’re told to buy by overpaid art advisors.
- boss lady has same sketch vibes as the blond news agent
- Daveed diggs is going to be her ex. He’s not just a cameo
- i was wrong. Whoops. Poor drunk driving ricky
- Creepy repairman returns to finger the art. And steal it.
- THE FACE MOVED.
- Shit is getting…bananas
- rip repair guy. Death by portrait monkey is….wild
- WHEN DID HE BREAK UP WITH HIS BOYFRIEND? You cant just “this is our first time out” like they’re official
- Ok Dease did a wee bit of torture and murder, but then tortured for years as a prisoner. Yike
- Creepy horror movie projector stuff
- Dondon is about to expose Dease’s past and then get hung by his own necktie. Dease is PWIVATE
- 2 STARS. NEEDS MORE DAVEED DIGGS
- There’s more Daveed but dating josephina means he loses a star as well
- Morf and josephina is so badly handled.
- I have no sense of elapsed time. They never showed, or even really mentioned, his break up with Ed. Idk how much time has passed, but then she’s all “I know you have feelings for Ed”. does he, i dont fucking know.
- HER EX-BOYFRIEND IS IN A COMA BECAUSE SHE CONVINCED HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND TO GIVE HER EX A BAD REVIEW. And it’s never mentioned until he’s like “hey that was kinda shitty and i feel bad” AND SHE STARTS CRYING LIKE A WEAK self-victimizing BITCH.
- ”Your reviews have gone down hill” I’ve literally been shown NOTHING at this point in the film that supports this. He’s seems entirely normal so it feels like the set up for a fight but with nothing to back it up.
- She hooks up with Daveed when they’re “on a break” but ONCE AGAIN. I haven’t seen this break. Why are you telling not showing, all the ramifications but none of the event.
- Blonde lady’s supervillain giggle. Like how do you from working for a museum to share art with the world to being so awful.
- Strong fargo vibes with that arm woodchippering
- The blood spurt at the end was damn near spartacus levels of blood spurts. Hilarious.
- Everything about Jake’s performance is incredible
- THE ADMIRATION I HAD FOR YOUR WORK HAS EVAPORATED!
- Look at my good boy cry and hear voices.
- No offense, but the Josephina actress…ain’t….good
- ”spirt…what kind of….*sputters* spirit* Bitch ok.
- “There’s a street off Mulholland” HMMM
- Coco is from michigan?? She’s 22 and became the personal assistant to a prominent art gallery owner. SOUNDS FAKE. the most unlikely thing in this horror movie.
- DAVEED DIGGS DUMPED JOSEPHINA. BACK TO 3 STARS
- WHEN DOES JOSEPHINA DIE
- Whoop_that_trick.gif
- Poor Coco, she’s getting her third job in a week and Morf is bout to be merked by Hoboman
- This is getting a bit final destination-y. Like it’s still art doing the Merder but…I liked Dease’s weird art doing it.
- HOW MY BOY MORF GET’S KILLED VIA NECK SNAP BUT JOSEPHINE GETS THE FUCKING SOFT PLANT- TESSA THOMSPON DEATH FROM ANNIHILATION. NOOO.
- SHE DOESN’T DESERVE TO BE GOOD ART.
- Poor Coco. this is maybe move back in with your parents for 6 months time. Get some therapy. Cuddle a dog. It’s been a rough road.
- Bye girl. And you took the cat, that’s sweet.
- I was about to make the joke “what if Rhodoro’s house just collapses on her because she has one of those fancy modern art houses” and then mid-type THE TATTOO.
- YIKES ON BIKES
- Don’t kill that wholesome street vendor. He’s not trying to do the capitalism, he’s just trying to live man.
- Well….that sure was a film.